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HOI & SOR mix
warning: this mix is smooshy
the mix is pretty much chronological, from before hoi even started, to the beginning of sor
// our happily ever after //
a jared/anastacia mix
one. kingdom come. coldplay.
i don’t know which way i’m going // i don’t know what i’ve become // for you i’d wait 'til kingdom come
:: ::
She was a good friend, Rose was. But there came a day when even she put the question forth.
"Why do you do it?"
Anastacia didn't look up, absorbed in the article she was reading.
"Do what?" she murmured.
"Wait."
It took a moment for it to sink in what Rose was talking about.
"Because..." Anastacia said slowly, text on the page blurring as her gaze drifted out of focus, as she sought for the right words. "I have to." Her tone was firm.
She was relieved when Rose didn't press it.
But she wondered, for a brief moment, if he was waiting for her too.
:: ::
two. accidntel deth. rilo kiley.
there's blood spilled on the floor // everyone's staring at you-- what for? // till you realize the blood is probably yours...
:: ::
Jared: We all have our scars.
--Heart of Innocence
:: ::
three. one sweet love. sara bareilles.
the time that i've taken // i pray is not wasted // have i already tasted // my piece of one sweet love?
:: ::
Victoria: So, how's the Brock thing going?
Anastacia: I... don't know. There's something off about it, and I can't figure it out.
Victoria: Is it the age thing? Or that you guys work together? Or do you mean... in general?
Anastacia: It's partly the age thing, yes. And partly the work thing, yes. And...partly men in general too, yes. On top of it having been... fifty years for me. But I think... I'm starting to worry. That I'm never really going to be...swept off my feet again. The world has changed so much.... the pace of everything is different. I don't know if the world really works that way anymore.
She didn't voice the thoughts that came into her head: that when she had been swept off her feet, she'd been young, and relatively stupid about love, hopelessly naive, and only considering the idea in the first place because of Pierre. Maybe that was the only way one could love so passionately. Mired in innocence.
She changed the subject quickly.
--Heart of Innocence
:: ::
four. afraid [alternative rave mix]. motley crue.
well, shes so afraid // shes so afraid of death // shes so afraid, afraid of life // the drama in her head // getting louder all the time
:: ::
The vampire's cool pale brow furrowed a bit, and Anastacia registered that she was visibly confused as to what Jared was doing there.
His own reaction was just as visible, though perhaps more disturbing. Once more, she noticed his eyes dilate, swirling black, and to her shock, Anastacia noted that he gripped his fists so tightly that his nails dug into his hands. She suppressed the urge to stare as pricks of blood appeared on his palm. Her eyebrow shot up, as she wondered to herself what kind of 'history' these two had. Lovers, probably, she'd seen similar behavior before so many times... Passions that flared and died, raising tempers in their wake. It'd been awhile since anything like that had even crossed her mind... She was grateful, in her own way, that she'd never had to bother dealing with an ex, as it were, though the alternative wasn't pleasant either. She'd stayed with Carson, and watched him die.
For not the first time, she considered how it was so much easier to just avoid these things altogether, to not get involved, wrapped up in another person.
It always ended the same way... with someone getting hurt.
The looks Victoria was casting Tyler did little to discourage this line of thinking.
:: ::
five. along the way. ashley parker angel.
it's who i am // it's how you'll be // it's where we run // letting go of everything is the hardest part when you start along the way
:: ::
Jared: Knowing Lurue ... I have a feeling. That in the end, things will turn out.
Anastacia: No matter what it takes to get there?
Jared: *sigh* Exactly. There's going to be a lot of...
Anastacia: Loss?
Jared: Yes...bad things could and will happen. Nothing good comes without a sacrifice.
Anastacia: I know. And I think that's the part that I don't want to think about yet, but I have to.
Jared: Yes.
Anastacia: But I can't beat myself up thinking about what it's going to be.
Jared: And neither should you. If we always think about the things that we lose, or that we're going to lose, then we'd never get anywhere.
Anastacia: And we'd never be able to enjoy the things that we have.
Jared: Exactly.
He looked over and met her gaze in this moment and her heart leapt to her throat, and she couldn't explain why. She thought for one second about what it would mean if she had to lose him -- or his brother -- for the greater good, and how painful that would be... and she also thought about how they were here now, he was here now, and like they'd said, she couldn't dwell on what might be lost, but had to accept what she did have - and she thanked Lurue for that. There was a short pause, as she looked at him, but then he looked away and announced "Here we are."
:: ::
six. with arms outstretched. rilo kiley.
now its 16 miles to the promised land // and i promise you i'm doing the best i can
now some days, they last longer than others // but this day by the lake went too fast
:: ::
She reached over and wrapped him in a big hug, which he returned firmly, and then he gave her a kiss on the cheek, a sweet gesture that made her feel even better about things. She kissed him back on his, and muttered "Bless you" which he repeated. She wasn't very anxious to get out of the car and have him leave her alone, but she did want to talk to Lucas at the same time. She sat there for a moment, however, hesitating.
Anastacia: Take care around here.
Jared: Yeah.
Anastacia: I'll see you when we get back.
Jared: Bye.
Anastacia: Bye.
She got out and went up her steps, and heard him tear away from the curb behind her surprisingly quickly. She glanced back after him, before taking a deep breath and going inside.
:: ::
seven. safe and sound. azure ray.
we'll meet at night wet from the rain // and surprise each other // with how we take away the pain
:: ::
When Jon connected to his brother's mind, he took the rest of them with him. They saw through Jared's eyes, read the words he was writing, before he could shut t them out.
My dearest Marya,
Every day I've been writing these letters to you. Every hour of every day - every time a new thought comes into my head, and it's come to me that they've not done me any good. You can't read them. They'll do you no good where you are now. And they've done me no good because I haven't been able to move on. Nothing I've done since you died has helped me at all. These letters, yes, they've helped me move through the days and they've helped me make it through the conversations that I've had to have, and make it through the nights when I've laid in bed alone just thinking of you and Jared, our son. But they can't help me. You're happier with our son where you are and I need to learn to be happy again.
Anastacia couldn't believe what she was reading - almost exactly the words that ran through her own head about Carson. And not just about missing him ... but she realized that she also understood what he meant about being trapped and unable to move on. She wished that she was there and could give him a huge hug, and tell him that she understood.
I've decided on Midsummer's Eve that I'm going to burn all the letters that I've written you. In celebration of your life and the life of our son that I had once but can no longer cherish and I can no longer hold on to because that's not the way that you want me to live. And it's not the way that things were meant to be.
Victoria was curled up into a ball again, and Anastacia was amazed. And incredibly incredibly proud, and strangely inexplicably happy to see this progress out of seemingly...nowhere.
So, it's with these last words that I say my good-bye, my love. You're always in my heart. You were one of the best friends I've always had, and ours was a gentle, sweet thing that we had. It was the love of two young people who knew nothing of the world. I've seen more of that world now, and I've decided I need to live in it. Not let it live me.
These words resounded completely in her heart, echoing exactly how she felt about Carson, and there was sort of catharsis in reading them, as if she were saying them herself, for him... and she found herself crying quietly.
I love you.
J
:: ::
eight. be still my heart. the postal service.
oh how you laughed // at my complete lack of grace // but i could not recall // a more perfect fall
cause when i looked up into your eyes // it didn't hurt at all
:: ::
Jared walked to the window and stood there for a second.
Anastacia: Is something wrong? Did I say something wrong?
Jared: *quickly* No. Not at all.
Anastacia: ...ok.
He remained there for a moment, leaning against it. She got to her feet and went over to stand by him, still feeling like she had said something off-putting. He continued to lean against the frame, looking out it.
He finally turned his eyes to her, and sighed, searching her face for a long moment.
Jared: I don't know... if I'm right or wrong... in doing this.
And he kissed her, pulling her tightly to him with one hand wrapping around her lower back, and the other winding through the back of her hair.
:: ::
nine. we exchanged words. azure ray.
and our hearts pressed against the flesh // trading stories // of love's pain // doubt // and rivaling insecurities
:: ::
She woke him in the middle of the night, the waves rocking the boat gently, as they lay wrapped up together in the cabin.
She'd lain awake as he slept and there was no doubt in her voice as she whispered the words in his ear.
"I'm ready."
:: ::
ten. all wrong. black kites.
i wanna live in a world that doesn't exist // i wanna live in a world that's not like this
:: ::
Wishes, she thought to herself, and her imagination ran wild. There was so much they could do, with this gift they'd been given.
There was so much they could fix, and so many people they could help.
Her charity ran ahead of her reasoning.
They acted on the only impulse they knew -- the one that said this is right.
:: ::
eleven. the new year. azure ray.
and after the winter broke // we held hands and we ran // and we agreed that it had been a long one
:: ::
"What about Dylan? I like Dylan," she'd snuck in.
"It means 'son of the sea'," he'd said, after careful research. "I think it couldn't be more appropriate."
He'd beamed at her, while she'd hummed quietly.
as the present now, will later be past
the times they are a'changin
:: ::
twelve. closer to you. brandi carlile.
tomorrow I'll be lying under you // with a heart of gold and arms to fall into
:: ::
she still remembered the day when she woke up
to find he was gone, off to work already, clothes missing from where they'd lain out the night before
and she knew she was free as she'd ever been
his love would never be a cage
and she wanted him beside her
every moment
:: ::
thirteen. an affair to remember. josh groban.
our love was born with our first embrace // and a page was torn out of time and space
:: ::
"You're so good at this," she murmured, as they swayed together on the dance floor.
"Dancing?" he'd asked, with a little smirk, amused by the comment.
"No," she'd lain her cheek against his. "Making the rest of the room disappear."
:: ::
fourteen. across the universe. fiona apple.
limitless undying love which shines around me // like a million suns, it calls me on and on across the universe
:: ::
Jared: "I've tried the new moon tilted in the air" *closes the book*
"Above a hazy tree-and-farmhouse cluster
As you might try a jewel in your hair.
I've tried it fine with little breadth of luster,
Alone, or in one ornament combining
With one first-water start almost shining.
I put it shining anywhere I please.
By walking slowly on some evening later,
I've pulled it from a crate of crooked trees,
And brought it over glossy water, greater,
And dropped it in, and seen the image wallow,
The color run, all sorts of wonder follow."
...It's called "Freedom of the Moon." ... This is my favorite.
--Robert Frost
:: ::
fifteen. beautiful thing. the pierces.
i didn't know that i would love you like i do // i didn't think that i was ready to
:: ::
She smiled and kissed him, happily wrapping her arms around his neck. After a second, he stood up and stepped towards the fire, putting his hands in his pockets.
Jared: Listen I... I want you very much, but I do not want you to feel rushed. I want you to be ready, should you ever be ready.
Anastacia: I'd like to be ready some day.
He turned back to her.
Jared: I'll be waiting.
Her heart skipped another beat, and she smiled, knowing that amidst all the bad that was inevitably coming, there was at least... this.
:: ::
sixteen. all that i am. mindy mccready.
i'm a member of the modern world // but sometimes i'm still an old fashioned girl
seventeen. my slumbering heart. rilo kiley.
and it's morning // and the captain is playing the radio // and he's just put the paint on his new boat // am i asleep or awake?
eighteen. three hopeful thoughts. rilo kiley.
and the hero that you hoped you'd be // never seemed to show up
:: ::
Some days she remembers thinking about what it was going to be like when they all fulfilled their destinies.
Filled with dread for who they would lose, filled with hope for what the world would become.
And she realizes, sometimes, at night, that it wasn't what she expected at all. There had been no showdown, merely the right string of coincidences.
She didn't consider herself a hero, she didn't consider herself anything special at all.
And there were times when she wondered if Jared would see through this, think less of her.
But as novelty fades to reality, she realizes
she's more in love with the reality of Jared than the hero he could have been.
And she's relatively certain that he feels the same.
:: ::
bonus. i say a little prayer for you. dionne warwick.
includes art, files, and drabbles for most songs.
some drabbles are based on direct hoi session notes.
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